


Starting Over

by PurpleWombat14481



Series: Soccer AU [3]
Category: B.I.G | Boys in Groove
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soccer, Asexual Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6344713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleWombat14481/pseuds/PurpleWombat14481
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years ago, Benji tore Heedo's heart right out of his chest when he ran from him with no explanation. And now he wants to talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting Over

Heedo jogged onto the basketball court slightly nervous. There were two minutes left in the game and, somehow, the score was tied. But it was only the first game of the season, and he had done this before, so as soon as play started back up the nerves disappeared. He was in his element, more so than he had ever been on the soccer field. He was the star player, he actually mattered, some people came to the games just to watch him play. Him, Heedo, younger brother of soccer star Tao. Because that was no longer how people saw him. Now, he was Heedo, soon to be professional basketball player. And he had a game to win.

The other team had learned not to underestimate him over the last two years. It was a mistake they would make once and never again, so Heedo was heavily guarded. Not that that was a problem. He was fast and good at evasion thanks to all his years of soccer training. The ability to ignore distractions and just focus on the game was one that had had plenty of chances to become well developed.

Sixty seconds left. Heedo got the ball. He took a breath. In. Out. And let instinct take over. He dribbled the ball, slowly at first, passing from hand to hand, planning out a pathway in his mind. A game plan.

He ran. Dashed forward, avoiding the players on the other team. Fans screamed his name. He jumped, shot the ball, swoosh, it went through the net, just before the final buzzer went off. Heedo had scored, had won the game. The audience exploded in cheers and applause. His team converged around him with high fives and pats on the back, before wandering off to the locker room to change. Heedo stayed where he was for a minute, only moving slightly closer to the bleachers, waiting for his friends to come down and congratulate him first like they always did.

However, the voice that called his name first was not one of the two that he expected. But it was one that he would recognize anywhere. Shit. Not now. Not when he was finally starting to be completely happy again.

Slowly, he forced himself to turn around and face Benji, the only person Heedo had ever allowed close enough to break his heart. The guy who had walked right out of his life with absolutely no explanation.

It had been three years, three fucking years, and now Benji wanted to talk. When he’d just won a game and was in a good mood. Of course. That’s just how Heedo’s luck worked, apparently.

“Hey. Great job.” Benji greeted when he was close enough to talk properly, smiling the very same smile that had captivated Heedo from the very beginning, even if it did seem a little strained around the edges. He had a notepad and a pen in hand. “I’m on the school paper and I’m the head reporter for the sports. So. Uh. Could I interview you for the paper? Seeing as you’re our star basketball player and all.”

Heedo hesitated before answering. No, he didn’t want to be alone with Benji for any length of time because the scars on his heart would only reopen. But at the same time, yes he wanted to be alone with Benji because he had missed him. So fucking much. He wasn’t mad at him, not anymore. Now seeing him just hurt. But he still went to all of Benji’s violin performances anyway, because each time the pain was a little less, and he was just happy to see Benji happy.  “Yeah. Sure.”

“Great. Just. Follow me?” Benji started walking towards the hall, where there was a room set for coaches and interviews and such. He glanced back every few steps as if making sure Heedo was still following him. Which he was. Once in the room, Benji sat down in one of the comfy chairs. Heedo hesitated at the doorway for a second, reconsidering his decision, before he sat down as well.

“So, uh. How does it feel to be--”

“Are you actually here to interview me or is that just a convenient cover?” Heedo cut Benji off before he could actually ask his question. He had thought he would be able to talk to him without a problem, but the anger was back. Maybe it had never been gone, just hidden. “Because you’re acting nervous and we both know that you just don’t get nervous when talking to people and there’s no way that it is just because you’re talking to me because its been years so what is it?” Heedo wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment, but he couldn’t bring himself to just get up and leave the room. The always present smile slid off of Benji’s face and Heedo almost felt bad for causing it. Almost.

“I’m sorry. For just walking out on you.” Benji said quietly, insecurely. That should have bothered Heedo, because Benji had never been the type to be insecure about anything, he was always so sure of himself.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Heedo laughed humorlessly. If he was actually that sorry he would have apologized before they graduated high school.

“I wanted to turn around and apologize the second i ran out the door. But, jeez, you have no idea how intimidating and manipulative your brother can be, do you.” Heedo was about to respond with something like how Tao looked scary but had never been capable of harming a fly, but Benji just kept talking. “I spent the rest of that year thinking I wasn’t good enough for you. That I would never be good for you. And then we came here and you became star basketball player and I realized that you were so much more talented and dedicated than I had ever thought and that I was right. I would never be good enough. I really did only approach you to interview you. Because I’ve missed you and I didn’t want that night to be the last time I saw you. Even if our last time talking ever was an impersonal interview I just wanted to hear you speak one more time.”

“Why are you telling me all of this now? I’m finally happy again and you think that you can just walk right back into my life?”

“No, I don’t think I can. I don’t deserve it. It’s just. You have no idea how much I wanted to turn right around.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because hurting you once was better than hurting you over and over. I was convinced that if I stayed that I would have eventually pressured you into doing something that you didn’t want to. And that scared me. Because that was the very last thing I would ever want. So I left. Because I couldn’t stand the idea of hurting you in that way.”

“So you thought I, what, couldn’t handle saying no? Couldn’t stand up to you? Couldn’t handle a bit of emotional distress?” Heedo was fuming. He wasn’t fragile, he wasn’t broken. He’d thought Benji had known that.

“No! Not that at all. Its… You set boundaries right at the very beginning and I knew them and told myself not to think about anything more. But I’m not going to lie and say I hadn’t thought about it, what it would be like, to go past those boundaries. No matter how much I hated myself for it.” Something clicked in Heedo’s mind at the words. Benji had...oh. Oh. It was, sort of sweet, Heedo guessed, in the ‘you cared a lot but you should have fucking told me your concerns anyway’ kind of way. Or something. He was still mad, but he felt like he understood a bit more.

“That still doesn’t explain why you stayed away. Or didn’t try to talk to me again at all.” The anger was beginning to lessen.

“I was just so, so irrationally afraid that I would do something stupid. And your brother could tell. He picked on my worst fears. And I... They just took over. All of these horrible situations played over and over in my mind and I had to leave before any one of them became a reality." Benji had his notepad clutched to his chest, pen left forgotten.

“You should have just told me. We could have talked it out. Or something." Heedo was, and always had been, more of a listener than a talker, but he would have made an exception for Benji. He had always made exceptions for Benji.

"I know that now. But I was an idiot. I let my fears take control of me and I hurt you more than I thought I would and I’m sorry. I don’t even know why you agreed to talk to me after what I did.”

“It’s been three years. I’m okay enough now that I don’t need to ignore your existence.”

“I thought you hated me.” Benji muttered, before falling silent and staying that way.

“No shit. But it was more because you stayed away than because you left. And i still missed you more than I hated you.” Honesty was the best option at this point, Heedo felt. He considered getting up and leaving at that, but the look on Benji’s face was hopeful. The first emotion that was anything other than sadness and longing.

“I… I missed you too.”

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you. Not completely. You still ran, even knowing how hard it was for me to let you in in the first place. But. Friends?” Heedo clarified. He couldn’t trust Benji enough to be anything more than that, at least, not yet.  
    

“I’d like that.” Benji smiled.

Heedo smiled back, and for the first time in years it didn’t feel fake.


End file.
